back to civilization

Well I finished up saying my goodbyes and headed to the airport. That drive was the hardest drive I have ever been on. Numerous times while looking at the hills catching site of a couple baboons I started to tear up because it was then that I realized Namibia was becoming my home. It will always be part of who I am and has become a place that I have to come back to every few years. Despite all my issues the last month it was almost impossible to say goodbye to Passat and Sarah! I couldn't say goodbye I could only say see ya later because I will see them later. After almost missing my flight in Joburg to Heathrow (i kind of wish I had) I was back to the "developed" world and was not a fan. After living in Namibia I have learned that it is really just like the US and Europe, sure it's a little different but not that drastically so. At the United counter they said welcome back to civilization and I wanted to punch them in the face. Namibia is perfectly civilized and the people are more friendly then anywhere else in the world. Now being back home it sucks!! No fatcakes, no bonaqua flavored water, no capana, it sucks! and it was super cold! Just not a fan! It is nice to be back with the family but its not nice to be away from my namibian friends. It will def be an adjustment as I dispel the myths about the "dark continent" to all my friends and family.

Last week I was looking for a sign for whether or not to leave early or live on pain killers for the next seven weeks. I got my answer when I almost died! Well Ndeli (my friend) thought I did die! (until I got up) Yes I was hit by a car it was awful! It’s a long story and if you ever want to hear it I am more then happy to tell you one day. Bottom line that’s when I decided Namibia was trying to kill me and it was time for m to leav. It is also when I learned  police and ambulances don’t really exist after all TIA. I never thought I would make Namibians friends that I would miss, but today I’m getting ready to say goodbye to them and I’m ready to cry. This has been a phenomenal chapter in my life with so many stories to share. I wish I could go back to the north one last time and share a dinner under the stars with my host family, eat one more fat cake, go get some capana, go to the informal markets, edit one last report on labour and go back to the dunes. During my time here I’ve had my appendix taken out, found out I needed another surgery, gotten hit by a car and been to the hospital three times. I have also gone quadding, climbed mountains, gone bunjee jumping and so much more. The good will always far outweigh the bad. I am leaving tomorrow with a larger group of friends then I could imagine. Namibia will always be apart of me! I have learned more about tribalism, inequalities, life in the developing world and life in the developed world then I ever could in a classroom. I never want to lose this moment, this feeling, this understanding that a five dollar cup of coffee is over 25% of some peoples daily wages and not worth the price or that I’m lucky to have wireless internet or life as a minority and being stared at every time I walk into a room and every time I talk to one of my black friends at the club. I don’t know if my mind has been fully decolonized but it’s getting there. I’m proud and pleased that because of my surgery I will be officially leaving a part of myself in Namibia as well as bringing a new part of my heart home that has been opened by this place! 

#thirdworldproblems

This is going to be a long one......My time in Namibia is rapidly coming to an end. I've learned more about the culture, politcs, health care system and oddly enough poverty then I could have ever imagined. Who knew I would make friends here that it would be hard to leave and make friends that I want to make my best friends for life. There have been so many moments where I have had to sit back and just think wow! I am so blessed to be me and have this life! The north taught me that poverty isn't always what we (in the developed world think it is) Some people would rather live in a hut and not have running water because it is their cultural ways. They like the fact that they are self sustaining and do not want or need things that I couldn't imagine my life without. Having just enough is plenty for them, having the stars every night is important enough for them and most importantly being surrounded by people they love is not just enough but it is plenty for them. The majority of the people here try and stay close to their traditional culture and don't let the need to modernize take away from their culture. It really is a beautiful thing. I've learned that an American can not come in and change or fix but rather find a fit in civil society. It is a young democracy and based on what I have seen it will find its footing in its own time. It doesn't need anyone to come in and fix it it's doing a pretty good job on its own. I've also gotten the great experience of learning what it is like to be a minority in a country and have new respect for people who are minorities. It made me realize our differences even more and sometimes I just wanted to be somewhere where there were other white people just so I didn't feel alone. It was a new experience being stared at for being different everywhere I went and getting asked questions based on the color of my skin. I must say I think I'm ready to blend back in with the crowd. I truly am one of the most blessed people there is I've spent my nights looking up at beautiful stars, looking at gorgeous sunsets and really everything about this place is GORGEOUS! It makes sense why no matter how hard life may get the people are still positive because they know and respect that they have beautiful land to live with. This trip has made me do something I may never have done which is step back and really understand the simple beauty that is life. Life can't be that hard for me because I have learned I have everything I could ever need.

appendixless in Africa

Well all I can say is thank god for travelers insurance! Wednesday night I got home and had shooting pains in my side naturally I attributed it to my stomach problems and oshimella I had been having for weeks. In Namibia it's not really a suprise to be having some stomach problems, but all I could think was I'm in so much PAIN lesson learned go to Europe next time. The next I woke up in extreme pain but refused to go to the doctor because I don't know how to do anything on my own. I went to the Dr. who was a very nice Afrikanner that reminded me of santa claus. He put my mind at ease and understood why I was nervous to be there. First, we went through a series of questions (he wanted to make sure it wasn't an oops your pregnant moment) Good thing it is most certainly not that!Then he said the word surgery. My first thought was NO! then NOT IN NAMIBIA! then THATS IT IM GOING BACK TO AMERICA! naturally I burst into tears. He asked me what my fears were and I blurted it out like an ignorant american as opposed to one that had been living in the country for months "Is surgery in Namibia safe?" Thankfully he explained the medical system and put my mind at ease fun fact:: Namibia does not do transplant surgery because the population is too small. Anyhoo I waited for what felt like an eternity for Passat (our driver) to come take me to the surgeon I was referred to.  I got to the surgeon with literally stabbing pains it was miserable. I begged for sarah (one of the employees to be able to come and hold my hand). He said she wasn't allowed (later I found out it's because he thinks black people are dumb). The best way to describe is like Dr. Mcsteamy from greys anatomy kind of an ass and definitely a surgeon! Not the most comforting person to be talking to when all you want is your family around. Then he said matter of factly well your getting surgery. Again I burst into tears and screamed "No I'm going back to America" He rolled his eyes like ugh this dumb american and at that point in my head I thought look you assface I am a billion miles from home in a developing country so I'm going to resort to being a three year old and start crying if I want. At that point all I wanted to hear was an American voice preferably one of my family members voices. The program director came and I called my family waking them up at three in the morning.....(in between sobs) "I'm so so scared I just I just want to be home let me I want to come home...their response are they sending you home for the surgery....me it's my appendix they want me to go now I don't want to" Here I am 21 pretending to be an adult in Africa and the second something awful happens I would gladly take the next flight home. I got to the hospital and was taken to the hospital bed immediately and for the third time that day filled out paper work (because it is more important to know I'm going to pay before treating me in any country) In between tears the woman tried to talk to me she didn't understand my accent I didn't understand hers all I understood was the needle she shoved into my arm well I had to hold the little blood tubes it was rough. Fast forward to before the surgery or 1st cultural experience Me: when is my surgery? Nurse: Your not getting surgery Me: What do you mean i'm not getting surgery the Dr. said I was getting surgery at six Nurse: Well he may just want to monitor you. I looked at my program director and said can you please figure out what is going on. Apparently in Namibia the can't answer those questions. Fun Fact Africa time comes into play for surgery as well my surgery started an hour in a half late the surgeon and anestesiologist just seemed like two bro's about to play some video games. (keep in mind this is all in my terrified head of being a 21 year old who has never done anything on their own to sitting in an operating room in AFRICA). Right after the surgery like any american I said my stomach hurts I don't think it was done right why do I have a complication. (I was perfectly fine). The next morning I was light headed and hopped up on pain killers when the nurse came in to see if I could bath myself. Next thing I know here I am sitting in Namibia with this woman who doesn't understand my accent washing every part of my body with my operation underwear on while I''m in and out of conciousness. (talk about an experience). She put my top back on but not my pants so i asked can I have my pants? met with a confused look pants? my pants I want my pants! she points to the table. Then I finally realize trousers I want my trousers the rest of the day was a series of miscommunications about getting out of bed my IV and what I was wearing. I asked for help putting on my shirt and bra their response where is your nightgown? have someone bring a night gown! It's winter you should have a night gown. The response in my head was AMERICANS DONT WEAR NIGHT GOWNS I JUST WANT MY CLOTHES! Despite the communication and cultural differences (everyone speaking a different language all the time). The hospital and service was just like in America. It was also an experience I will certainly never forget. I think at this point I've hopefully been through it all and will literally be coming home a different person and will be leaving a apart of myself in Namibia.

Life in the Namib desert...yeah my life could not get any better

 Last Thursday we left for Swakopmund (where Angelina Jolie gave birth) ! It was breathtaking and so peaceful. It is Namibia's little resort town tucked between the Atlantic Ocean and the Namib desert. While we were there we learned about what life is like for the large majority of the residents who are (damara/nama) we visited the informal settlements and saw the way life was like for those without electricity or running water in the desert which is right next to the mega mansions people call there second homes! It's always shocking when we see the vast amount of inequality that exists in Southern Africa. This time around we got to see it from the perspective of the children who never seem to notice how little they have. We visited an after school program where they performed a tradition Oshivambo dance for us and the entire time the children were laughing and goofing around just happy to see a set of new faces walk in the doors. Despite the fact that there are not the funds to provide for all the children they will never turn a child away and stretch every last dollar to attempt to give every last kid a sanctuary. After, we went to a sort of half way house for children, they were laughing and playing and just wanted to show us new games. However, these children had been beaten, left in toilets, left in the garbage, or starved before finding their way to the community center. Proving that at the youngest ages humans are resistant, courage, full of love, and most of all full of forgiveness. The  woman who runs the center keeps it spotless and uses every connection she has to make sure the children receive everything they need to ensure that they don't have to grow up to fast and can remain kids. It really shows the amazing love and self lessness this woman and the volunteers have. Behind the ocean front views and fancy restaurants still lies injustices that we got to see and hopefully can help correct. After some learning lessons it was time for some fun! Climbing to the top of dune seven in eight minutes in the NAMIB! was a rewarding experience, the views were out of a computer screen and I had to pinch myself several times in order to make sure it was real life. We also went quadding in the dunes which of course was exhilarating (going half up the dune sideways like a roller coaster what could be better!) Not to mention sandboarding which reminded all of us of sledding in the US. It truly was an amazing incredible words cant even explain trip and certainly one that I will remember for a life time
Later

Understanding

In your life’s journey, there will be excitement and fulfillment, boredom and routine, and even the occasional train wreck…But when you have picked a dream that is bigger than you personally, that truly reflects the ideals that you cherish, and that can positively affect others, then you will always have another reason for carrying on-Pamela Melroy

This quote really touched me this week. For the past few years I have talked a big game about the things that I want to do and the impact that I want to make and how I want to make a difference in people’s lives, but never understood that it’s not always going to be rosy and flowers but it will be tough and frustrating. This past week part of me wanted to give in and throw in the towel because I had first hand contact with the unjust system that I continually condemn and try and come up with solutions to fix. At first I was angry then I remembered that it’s always worth it to keep fighting and keep trying to make a difference. Namibia has one of the largest genie coefficients in the world, much like the rest of southern Africa, and it is apparent at almost every corner you turn. When you see a person who has everything walking down the same street as a person who has nothing because it is an ill gotten gain it makes you want to scream. For generations their family was oppressed from achieving anything and now they are left frantically trying to catch up. Both at the macro and micro level the country is rapidly trying to catch up, constantly feeling inferior to their rich white counterparts, and reaching out in the most drastic ways to receive some source of income. These are the reasons I wanted to come here, to understand what made the country the way that it was. I’ll never find the answer and in my quest I’ll go through highs and lows that might make me want to give up on helping alleviate the problems and might make me question why I care? It would be easy for me to pull out the typical….Well it’s just Africa and it’s an awful place, but that’s wrong because people are people no matter what part of the world you are in. I have safety nets and could never imagine a life with out them. If I didn’t have anything I would see someone like me and be frustrated and angry to and want to do something to make their life not so easy for a day, or I would want to pull a robin hood act. Here, the people I’ve met are not more violent then anywhere else they are just more frustrated and rightly so. They have a lot on their shoulders with very little support and if taking something from my safety net to create theirs is the only power they have then I cannot fault them. I cannot get frustrated or mad at them, but only understand that at the end of the day I am trying to help. I never picked the easiest goals or safest and I may be happy at times and sad during others, but if I could make a difference to help give someone hope or some answer as to how to rebuild after being broken down time and time again then the problems I am faced with along the way will have been worth it.

It's been awhile

I'm currently sitting at my internship counting down the minutes until lunch. The one bummer about being in a different timezone then the rest of your friends is that facebook becomes a useless procrastination tool.
So far things are going pretty well here and I finally feel settled after two weeks. We had our homestays and I was with a colored family in khomostal. It was weird to hear them make racist comments towards both whites and blacks. It's also interesting how being colored here is it's own race proving yet again that race is nothing but a social construction. We ate some interesting food at my home stay aka not really cooked all the way food.....that was a rough outing for my stomach. Needless to say it was great to return to life at the CGE house and there were FATCAKES for dinner. I think I'm turning into a fat cake haha. My internship is getting much more exciting because I now have a project, which is to conduct a basic needs assessment for the people of Namibia that will be used to lobby the government for a standard minimum wage in the country! look at me actually doing something in Namibia to make a difference. The classes I'm taking are great! Yesterday we talked to a man about the Herero genocide who named the country from Southwest Africa to Namibia. I also LOVE my yoga class! Sometimes it's hard to stay quiet for that long, but it really helps me mellow out. Total side note yesterday was Valentines day and everyone was super festive! pretty much everyone had on pink or red and every place in town was decorated. Who knew it was so popular here. I also can't wait for next weekend when we are going quadding and sandboarding on the coast. I'm so pumped! Well guess I should get back to work
Later